A little brief history. I've always been a bit of loner I enjoy my time alone and also enjoy time with my loved one. I was taken to see a child psych at a young age ha! Guess what? Normal? IQ normal. yeah yeah..skip to a few years later, my home life was erm lets just say, like being on a rollercoaster. Teenage years came and off I went, into the realm of chaos, drinking, smoking, taking drugs etc. Occasionally popping back and forth between my parents. Then I had my own children and found it really difficult coming to terms the worries and dire thoughts that I had as a parent the sheer worries of my babies being hurt was often overwhelming apparently that's normal! Lets go back to my teenage years, I've been through some pretty horrendous situations which I guess lead me down the path of drug addiction? Self medicating? Several admissions to the psych wards and rehab Got married, got divorced, had a breakdown...what?! yes I had a breakdown. It was in 2003 I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia *rolls eyes* I thought everyone had voices apparently not!
I've been living with Bipolar Disorder now 'officially' for seven years. When in fact I've lived with it much much longer. It's part of my make up it's who I am it's not excuse. I get really upset at people in the public eye who claim bipolar and claim they are having a bipolar day lolol! yeah yeah as if!
Anyway, it's been four years since I was on all those lovely meds. Mood Stabilisers, Anti-Psychotic Medication. Nice stuff! During this time I've been trying to control my mood swings and mania by using my creative talents and outlets. When my mood is low I take myself off to the studio and my work brings me out of the low mood and back on a normal mood level. When I'm high (Bipolar High) I take myself off to create and this stabilisers me, not to mention that I create a massive amount of pretties. I have as much regular sleep as possible, like forcing myself to bed and taking my night meds (Amitriptyline 125mg) to make me sleep otherwise I wouldn't. When the voices are bad I listen to music LOUD or I watch my favourite movies to focus my mind, lots of these tricks I've picked up over these last few years.
My Psych team have finally relented and allowed me to be responsible for my own care. I refuse to take my 'meds' as this numbs who I am, this culls my personality and *I* disappear. After four years of proving to my Psych team they now agree that I am a high functioning Bipolar type person lol I had this discussion with my Doctor who claimed that I was a mystery and that I don't fit neatly into their tick boxes. Yes I fit the criteria of BD but I am able to cope with the mood swings and the voices on a daily basis. I just told them to put down that I am special :-)
After everything that life has thrown at me I wake up with a smile.